


Tomorrow, Today

by purplemonster



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, College AU, M/M, One Night Stands, mentions of drinking, roadtrip au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 06:40:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11618064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplemonster/pseuds/purplemonster
Summary: Jinyoung doesn't want things to end.





	Tomorrow, Today

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Fly / Verse # 2 au. I wrote it way back when GOT7 released their Flight Log: Departure teaser while they were going on a roadtrip so pls watch that teaser before reading this. The rest is based off my feels for Verse # 2 which just coincided with the concept. Thanks JJP for giving me strength to finish this.
> 
> Warnings for lots of angst

Jinyoung watches in awe as Jackson manages to elbow Youngjae and then step on Yugyeom’s feet at the same time, causing Yugyeom to hit Mark, ripping his earphones off of him in half, all in a span of ten seconds. Jinyoung will always be amazed at the amount of mayhem Jackson causes in such a short time. They’re all used to him wreaking havoc. But it still surprises them _how_ he does it and how they’re all still alive whenever he causes them.

“I knew I never should’ve brought my new earphones on this trip,” Mark sighs, stowing away his now broken earphones. Yugyeom apologizes at him before throwing a pillow at Jackson for causing the damage. They’re all aware they’re going to get into an accident if they keep on playing inside a moving vehicle, but they continue to do it anyway. Jinyoung takes his own earphones out and offers it to Mark. Mark smiles in thanks at that as he goes back to listening to his playlist.

They’re all going on a road trip. The whole gang. It’s in celebration of graduating university in one piece. Youngjae offered his family’s rest house for them to use and it’s a couple of hours away from the city. Jaebum is the one driving since none of them owned transportation that can fit all of them. It’s an old van that Jaebum has put together. It’s not the most comfortable ride, but they’re all together and Jackson is keeping everyone preoccupied that no one seems to notice how cramped they all are.

“Aw Jackson, keep that away,” Youngjae groans. Jackson has taken out his old camcorder and is recording them at the moment. Youngjae doesn’t really like it when Jackson starts doing this. He’s always the subject of Jackson’s jokes, only keeping footages of Youngjae that have him in embarrassing situations. But Jinyoung guesses that’s the point to all this.

“Oh come on. It’s our very first road trip and probably our last. I’m allowed to record every single thing.”

Their last road trip. Jinyoung glances at the driver’s seat. He stares at Jaebum’s back with Jackson’s words in his head, an uncomfortable weight settling in the pit of his stomach.

“Well would you at least take decent footages of me this year?” Youngjae throws a pillow at Jackson to which he only dodges. It hits Yugyeom in the face and he throws the pillow back at Jackson only to start a pillow fight.

“Hey! You guys, Jaebum’s driving!” Mark yells but they all ignore him in favor of who gets to smack someone with a pillow. Jinyoung had taken a shot at hitting Yugyeom which he does so successfully. Youngjae laughs out loud at the face he just made, causing Jinyoung to laugh too. Jackson had gotten that on camera and now Yugyeom is out to get him. Up front, Jaebum laughs at them and this has Jinyoung glance at the rear view mirror at the sound of his laughter.

There’s a lump in his throat to see the sight of Jaebum’s eyes smiling. He never used to feel that way before. Whenever Jaebum laughs and his eyes seem to disappear, Jinyoung would find it cute and his insides would do a little somersault. But these days, every time he looks at Jaebum, he can’t breathe.

As if feeling his discomfort, Jaebum’s eyes find his. Jinyoung holds his gaze for a few seconds before turning back to his friends. He finds he can no longer look Jaebum in the eye for a long time like he used to.

Jinyoung brings his attention back to what’s going on inside the van. Youngjae has successfully wrestled the camera from Jackson and is trying to delete the videos. Jackson keeps on smacking him with a pillow to give it back until the pillow slips from his grasp and lands at the back of the van.

“Would you guys keep it down? Bambam is asleep over there.” Mark says.

Bambam had taken the liberty of staying in the back since he was the smallest out of all of them. But that had probably been the best since he has the space all to himself.

“He’s sleeping, huh?” Jackson has a mischievous grin on his face as he takes out a pen from his backpack. The pillow is left to the side and all of them have forgotten who was smacking who just to watch Jackson doodle on Bambam’s sleeping face.

“Now this is the kind of footage you should be taking.” Youngjae says as he records Bambam’s face. Jackson snickers at that and high fives Youngjae while Yugyeom takes the pen from Jackson and starts doodling too.

Jinyoung smiles while watching all of them, leaning his head against the van’s windows. Mark nudges him, offering his other earphone and Jinyoung takes it. He plugs it in his ear, watches his friends laugh and enjoys the moment, until he closes his eyes and lets sleep take over.

 

* * *

 

Jinyoung feels the liquid slosh down his throat and burn his insides as he downs his ninth drink. He’s a little buzzed but the thought of losing a challenge keeps him going. When he’s done, he slams his glass down on the table and a loud cheer greets him all around.

His opponent with a very cute eye smile, shakes his head, laughs and backs away from him, conceding defeat. Jinyoung raises both his hands in victory and another round of cheers fill the room. Bills are slapped against the table, some being passed around and some shoved in Jinyoung’s hand as others congratulate him.

“You’re going to fit here nicely.” One says to him as he claps him on the back. Jinyoung doesn’t know who he is. Hell, he doesn’t even know all these people. He only knows Jackson, his foreign roommate who invited him to this. A freshman welcoming party, he said.

Thinking of Jackson, Jinyoung searches the crowd for him. He has no idea how to get back to the dorms from being this drunk. He spins around too fast, losing his balance and he braces himself for the fall when a strong grip on both his shoulders keep him upright.

“Thanks,” Jinyoung slurs. He looks up to see his savior when he recognizes it’s the guy who challenged him earlier. His opponent. The cute guy with the eye smile.

“You look like you’re ready to pass out.” He says. He’s really cute. There’s a stud on his ear that Jinyoung finds too shiny. Either that or the alcohol is really getting to him.

“I can still take you for another round.” Jinyoung challenges though he’s already staggering. The guy laughs, wrapping an arm around his waist to help him out of the heat that the crowd just filled. The drinking contest is replaced by dancing and the loud music pounds inside Jinyoung’s head.

“No, you can’t.” Mr. Eye Smile says, tightening his grip around him as they get to a less crowded place. Jinyoung feels all woozy so it’s nice being held like this. Mr. Eye Smile is a freshman like him and they’re practically of the same built and height. The only difference between them at the moment is that he’s less drunk so he’s not all woozy and he has a firm grip on him. His hold on him is warm too. Jinyoung finds that comfortable.

“Yes, I definitely can.” Jinyoung raises his forefinger up at him. The guy chuckles.

Somehow Jinyoung ends up with him through the night. He’s not sure what they talked about or what they even did. He’s too drunk to care and remember. They could’ve danced, drank more beer or just talked the night away. But he does end up waking up next to him along with everyone else, sprawled in someone’s living room. Jinyoung is the first to wake up, thankfully with his clothes still on. He sees Mr. Eye Smile still fast asleep, snoring. Jinyoung thought he only found him cute that night under the influence of alcohol. But he’s still cute the morning after, mouth hanging open as he sleeps.

Jinyoung laughs under his breath, spots his jacket by the doorway and leaves. He does give the guy another glance before walking out the door. But he leaves him that morning never knowing his name.

 

* * *

 

Jinyoung opens his eyes when he hears Jackson yelling he’s rooming with Youngjae. They must’ve arrived since he no longer feels the van moving. He’s not sure how long he was out but he must have had a deep sleep if he slept throughout the whole ride.

Jaebum’s there with a hand stretched as if to shake him awake and Jinyoung blinks at him, not really sure if he’s seeing things right. The afternoon sun is shining down on him, bathing him in this nice glow that he looks like he’s seeing him in a dream.

“Hey,” Jaebum says softly. “We’re here.”

Jinyoung nods, sitting upright in his seat. His body feels sluggish from sleep but he tries to move. Having Jaebum this close to him is making him feel overly conscious of things.

“I got your bags. I already placed them in our room.” Jaebum says, sliding the van doors wider for Jinyoung.

“Our room?” Jinyoung asks, pausing midway from stepping out of the van.

“Yeah,” Jaebum sounds awkward, like he’s not sure Jinyoung’s supposed to be hearing this from him. “Jackson’s rooming with Youngjae. Bambam is sharing the other with Yugyeom. We all know Mark claimed a room to himself before we got here.”

“There’s only three rooms.” Jinyoung says.

“We’re both taking the couch. It’s a pull-out.”

Jinyoung doesn’t know how to react to this. On one hand it’s in the living room. It’s not somewhere enclosed or private. On another hand, it’s with Jaebum. That’s also kind of equally stifling.

“If you want, I can talk to Jackson or Bambam-”

“No, it’s fine.” Jinyoung shakes his head. He doesn’t want to make a fuss about this. Jaebum looks at him, waiting for him to probably retract his statement. But Jinyoung only hops off the van to head inside.

“Hey,”

Jinyoung turns to look at Jaebum.

“We’re okay, right?” Jaebum asks. They’ve already talked about this. The night before graduation. It was outside Bambam’s room where his mom hosted dinner for all of them. Jaebum was wearing his red university jacket, one of his favorites. He’s had that jacket since they were in their first year. He grew into them but he still can’t let it go. Somehow, Jinyoung can’t seem to forget all these tiny details about him.

Jaebum is waiting for his reply.

“Yeah.” Jinyoung answers. They agreed they would be.

Jaebum nods. Jinyoung senses it’s the end of that discussion and turns around again to head back inside.

It’s only three nights. Jinyoung only hopes his sanity doesn’t crack by then.

 

* * *

 

Jinyoung rubs his temples as he focuses on his notebook. It’s not the notes he has any problem with. His notes are clear to him and he’s paid enough attention in the last few months to know what’s going to come up in the exam later on. But he still needs to review and the noise in front of him isn’t helping.

Jackson is in one of his fit of laughters coupled with Youngjae’s own loud laugh. Beside them, Bambam is making what the three deem “funny” faces adding to the riot. It’s only a couple of minutes till their last exam for the end of this first semester and none of his friends are studying.

“Do it again!” Youngjae smacks at Jackson as the latter complies and scrunches up his face that has Bambam and Youngjae doubling all over, both of them smacking each other non stop.

They’re a strange bunch. All of them aren’t in the same college and yet they’ve managed to find themselves hanging out with each other all the time. It was Jackson who brought them together. Jinyoung isn’t surprised anymore how many people Jackson has befriended over the course of the first semester. He doesn’t mind hanging out with them anyway. Bambam and Youngjae are fun. Just not today, Jinyoung thinks, when he’s supposed to be studying.

He should’ve known better than to sit in this table with them. He knows how loud Youngjae can get when he’s excited. When Jackson introduced the music major a couple of months back, Jinyoung had never expected him to be this bundle of loud laughter every few minutes.

He doesn’t mind that at all. But not now when he’s stressed out at the thought of the upcoming exams. Jinyoung doesn’t really find the noise all that helpful.

He’s about to move to the library, which he should’ve done in the first place, when someone approaches their table.

“Youngjae! There you are.”

Youngjae looks up and smiles. “Hey. ‘Sup?”

Jinyoung finds the guy familiar. He tries to place that face somewhere so he can recognize him better.

“I need my notes.” He says and Youngjae rummages his bag for them. Meanwhile, the stranger looks up and locks eyes with him.

“Oh.” The stranger’s eyes widen for a moment, recognizing Jinyoung. He then smiles.

Ah. Mr. Eye Smile.

Jinyoung smiles back. His drinking buddy. Or more like his drinking opponent during that freshman party.

“I haven’t seen you around.” The stranger says. Jackson, Bambam and Youngjae shift their gazes between them.

“You two know each other?” Youngjae asks, handing the guy his notebook.

“We’ve met.” Jinyoung answers. His answer must be funny because the guy chuckles.

“In one drunken occasion. This guy here can hold his drink better than I can.”

“I remember you did pretty well too.” Jinyoung laughs. Mr. Eye Smile grins.

“It’s nice finally bumping into you.” He then looks at the rest. “Maybe you guys want to come over to our side of the dorms for this party the music department’s throwing tonight?”

“Oh right,” Youngjae smacks his forehead. “I forgot about that. Do you guys want to go?”

“Hell yeah!” Jackson yells. Bambam nods and Jinyoung promises him they’ll be there.

“I’ll see you guys tonight then.” Mr. Eye Smile gives them one last nod and leaves.

Jinyoung later finds out from Youngjae his name is Im Jaebum. He’s a music major just like him and also his roommate.

Jinyoung forgets about the party for a moment just so he can focus on his exams. But the minute they’re out and they’re finally free from it, Jinyoung finds himself getting excited over tonight.

He’s had a stressful semester and a party is just what he needs. Besides, seeing Jaebum again when he’s sober this time made him remember that night they first met just talking and laughing even though most of it was hazy. He’d like to have that again.

Aside from him, Jackson’s the one most excited for tonight that he drags Jinyoung to the music department dorms early. Which is a good thing too because the place is already packed. They find Bambam with a drink in hand, jamming to the music filling the whole floor and both Jackson and Jinyoung join him.

After what feels like an hour of dancing, Jinyoung heads to the makeshift bar for something to drink. There he finds Youngjae and Jaebum with beers in their hand.

“This? Or a cocktail?” Jaebum asks him. Jinyoung asks for one of those brightly colored drinks. Youngjae hands him one.

They both get introduced. Finally. They also end up talking for a bit until Youngjae leaves to join Bambam on the dancefloor. Jinyoung slips into a conversation with Jaebum that has them both talking animatedly in seconds.

It’s nice to find someone to talk to this easily. Jaebum runs on the same wavelength as he does. His jokes are cheesy but Jinyoung finds himself laughing hard anyway.

Jackson finds them an hour later and drags them with the rest of the group to dance. Jinyoung and Jaebum go with him willingly, the spike of alcohol in his system making him relax better. He’s not drunk this time. Not even tipsy. He’s sure Jaebum feels the same way. But the drinks and hanging out with each other earlier helped set the mood better for they’re no longer awkward as they move around the other.

The dance floor is filled with bodies pressing up against each other. Jinyoung has to apologize to Jaebum a couple of times when his back always hits Jaebum’s front. Until Jaebum just plants his hands on the sides of Jinyoung’s hips to guide him. Jinyoung doesn’t mind being held this way. Jaebum’s touch, just like the first time they met, is nice.

The heat starts getting to them that Jinyoung decides he’s had enough. He tries pulling all of them out but they all seem to like the heat. The only one who managed to follow him out of there is Jaebum.

“You okay?” Jaebum asks, panting and wiping the sweat off his brow. Jinyoung nods, pinching his shirt and fanning himself.

“Didn’t know the music department can party like this.” He replies causing Jaebum to laugh.

“You should come next time.” Jaebum’s eyes seem to twinkle at that. He’s flirting with him. That much is obvious. He’s really handsome too. Jinyoung finds him very attractive in his red sports jacket with his hair brushed up like that.

“Am I already invited to every future one of these parties?” Jinyoung teases.

Jaebum cocks an eye at that, challenging him. “Only if you want to.”

Jinyoung has no idea what came over him then to just lean in towards Jaebum. He would be embarrassed about such a brash move but Jaebum had also shifted closer, closing the gap between them. Jinyoung doesn’t think it’s the alcohol that gave him the push. He just truly wanted to kiss Jaebum at that moment. Jaebum was glistening under those lights and looked inviting. Jinyoung found himself weak for the guy. And Jaebum doesn’t seem to mind the random kiss judging from how he welcomed Jinyoung’s lips eagerly.

There wasn’t any lust at all. Well, not on his part. It’s just Jinyoung testing out the waters and wanting to get that taste of Jaebum since he saw him earlier. Jaebum tastes like beer and Jinyoung loves it. He especially loves when Jaebum kisses him back, lips moving intently against his.

“Jinyoung-ah!”

The kiss ends abruptly before it could go any further. Jinyoung looks towards the direction of his name being called out to find Jackson jogging up to him all breathless. Jinyoung’s not sure if he saw them kiss. Jaebum had stepped back, giving the both of them some space.

“Bambam’s pissed drunk and I need help getting him to his dorm.” Jackson says.

Jinyoung looks at Jaebum apologetically. Jaebum only smiles.

“I’ll see you around?”

Jinyoung nods. He doesn’t say anything else for Jackson is already dragging him out of there to go find Bambam.

 

* * *

 

It’s only been a few minutes since they arrived but the kitchen looks like a mess. Bambam is preparing tonight’s barbecue. He has a couple of beef and pork out, some marinated, some plain. Side dishes are all out in their respective small bowls, chopped and ready to go.

Jackson is still recording everything. He films Mark and Yugyeom sneaking kimchi and eating bits of it when Bambam isn’t looking. Jinyoung has to swat at them a couple of times to stop it while he helps Bambam otherwise there won’t be any side dishes left.

Outside, Jaebum and Youngjae are preparing the grill. They make a mess of it too. Jinyoung finds himself looking up a couple of times to stare at them from the wide sliding glass doors that separate the kitchen and the backyard whenever he hears Youngjae’s loud laugh coupled with Jaebum’s.

They all carry the food out when they’re done and Youngjae has managed to get the fire ready. Within minutes, the backyard smells like barbecue and this time, Jinyoung doesn’t stop anyone from picking on the side dishes while waiting for the food to cook.

They eat right off the grill. It had been a long drive and they’re all hungry. But somehow, even if they all have food stuffed in their mouths, Jackson still seems to be able to talk, filling the air with his chatter.

A piece of beef is placed on his plate and Jinyoung looks up to see Jaebum putting it there.

“Quick before Jackson takes it.” Jaebum simply says, eyes focused on flipping the other meats on the grill. The gesture is friendly and should be touching. But Jinyoung can’t help but find other reasons behind it.

Jinyoung has to remind himself to relax. This is supposed to be a trip for all of them. He’s letting his personal emotions get in the way of this vacation if he turns rigid and uncomfortable everytime Jaebum simply glances his way. Besides, they talked about this. They’re fine. They both agreed to let things be this way so Jinyoung really has no one to blame for but himself for agreeing to this if he keeps on pining after something he helped put an end to.

“Thanks,” Jinyoung finally replies when he manages to gather himself. He places some kimchi in Jaebum’s plate in return just so he doesn’t feel bad about earlier.

They play the nunchi game on who gets to clean the dishes. Jaebum and Mark lose and they all laugh when the two groan in defeat. But they don’t complain any further and gathers all the things they’ve used and head back inside.

While they clean the dishes, the rest of them set up a bonfire. Marshmallows, crackers and chocolate are handed around. Youngjae starts belting out some song which everyone joins in, singing in their own pitch and ending up laughing at how ugly it sounds. But they don’t care.

Sleep chases after them soon enough. They make sure to put the fire out and head to bed. Thankfully the house has three bathrooms for all of them to use. Jinyoung chooses to go last though so no one hurries him up.

He takes his time. Or in other words, he’s stalling. But when he’s done, dread settles in the pit of his stomach as he makes his way to the living room. The pull-out is already made. Jaebum is on one side, fiddling with his phone and scrolling through some messages. Jinyoung tries to act like this is fine as he slips inside the covers beside him and lies with his back to him.

Being in such a small pull-out with no one but just the two of them has Jinyoung think about the number of times they’ve slept together. Four years of sharing each other’s bed and this is the farthest they’ve been.

Jinyoung could talk about it. He can just speak his mind and say whatever’s bothering him. But that’s the thing. Nothing is supposed to be bothering him. It’s not part of the 4 year life plan they decided. So Jinyoung bites on his bottom lip, clings to his blanket for dear life before his emotions sweep him away.

“Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung almost gives himself away as he sucks in his breath. His heart pounds in his chest to hear Jaebum say his name. He should turn or at least answer.

But Jinyoung also knows midnight conversations are the worst. So he keeps quiet. He pretends to sleep rather than have one of those conversations tonight and break his heart even further.

 

* * *

 

Jinyoung closes his eyes as he makes himself comfortable in the grass. The tree’s shade makes the spot even perfect for an afternoon nap. He doesn’t have a class till later in the afternoon and he doesn’t want to stay in the dorm. Being out here in the campus’ field is more relaxing.

“Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung’s eyes spring open at the sound of his name. A face looking down at him greets him and Jinyoung recognizes who it is. It’s Jaebum and he smiles, clutching at a backpack hanging over his shoulder.  
  
“Hi,” Jinyoung greets, sitting up. He hasn’t seen Jaebum again after that party. He may be Youngjae’s roommate, but the guy seems to be going off on his own that Jinyoung hadn’t really seen him around.

That and he wasn’t actually looking for him. The kiss they shared that night made Jinyoung feel all sorts of embarrassed the morning after. He barely knew the guy. He only saw him twice. And Jinyoung just kissed him right out of the blue.

“Thought I saw a familiar face.” Jaebum says. “No classes?”

“Later at 5.” Jinyoung answers.

There’s an awkward pause right after and before Jinyoung can fill it, Jaebum speaks up.

“Hey, about last time…” He starts. Jinyoung gives the guy credit for not even wasting any time in bringing that up.

“It was only a kiss.” Jinyoung answers with a shrug, trying not to make that night seem like a big deal. “You don’t have to think more of it.”

It’s the truth. Jinyoung was just honestly looking for a way to blow off the stress from that exam week.

Plus Jaebum was a handsome guy. He couldn’t pass of the chance at kissing such a handsome guy.

“I wasn’t.” Jaebum replies. “To be honest I’m kind of glad it was just a kiss.”

Ah. So he wasn’t looking for anything serious either. Jinyoung thinks he can live with that.

The embarrassment subsides then and Jinyoung relaxes a little. He does like the guy. Jaebum is comfortable to hang out with and he wouldn’t want to ruin that by turning it into something serious.

“I have to get to class.” Jaebum looks up at the direction of the campus buildings then turns back to look at him again. “But, um, the next time you’re looking for ‘just a kiss’, you’re welcome to call me.”

Jinyoung raises an eye at that. He’s not sure if what he heard was right. He’s also not sure if Jaebum was teasing. He sounds like he’s teasing but he’s also serious because Jaebum isn’t taking it back. Jinyoung can’t keep a straight face after that and they both laugh.

“Did you just offer to be a booty call?” Jinyoung asks in between laughter.

“Call it whatever you want.” Jaebum shrugs. Nevertheless, they both exchange numbers and bid each other a goodbye before Jaebum goes on his way. Jinyoung stares at his number and then tosses it in his backpack without thinking too much of it.

He heads off to class much later with Jaebum in his head. He thinks of that teasing eye smile and that grin. He thinks of his voice. He’s a music major. Does he sing? What would his voice singing sound like? Jinyoung thinks of that red university jacket he always wears that Jinyoung has been dying to ask about. Is he in some varsity? Jinyoung finds there’s so much he doesn’t know about him yet.

The thoughts of Jaebum he has doesn’t last long though for his courses start putting in so much work for them in the coming days. Jinyoung could only hang out with Jackson and the rest during weekends when he’s sure he’s done studying. But if he hasn’t yet, he’s cooped up in his dorm or in the studios practicing with the others.

He wants to graduate with honors. Jinyoung wants to make his family proud. There’s a lot of money his father invested on him just to go to this university. He’s pressured but Jinyoung has always wanted to be in theater arts all his life. It took a long time for Jinyoung’s father to be convinced that this was the right path for his son. And Jinyoung isn’t about to fail him.

The second half of the semester passes and he finds himself nervous all over again for the upcoming exams. He also finds the number Jaebum gave him wedged in between his notebooks when he fixes his things one afternoon.

Jinyoung looks at Jaebum’s number for a moment. He remembers him and suddenly craves for the kind of warmth and distraction Jaebum always brings just to get him to relax from all this stress.

He can use ‘just a kiss’ right about now. Or maybe even something more.

Jinyoung grabs his phone and calls him.

 

* * *

 

The first thing he sees the moment he wakes up is Jaebum sleeping. He’s lightly snoring, tired from driving them all the way here yesterday. Jinyoung looks at him, unable to move away. He smiles, watching the way he sleeps.

The house is still quiet which means none of them are awake except for him. This has Jinyoung linger, taking this moment to look at everything of Jaebum without anyone, especially him, noticing.

When he’s tired, Jaebum sleeps with his mouth hanging open. Jinyoung used to tease him about that. Jaebum would deal with it by wrapping his arms around him and spooning him from behind when they fall asleep. That way, Jinyoung wouldn’t be able to see when he wakes up. But he still manages to take a picture in his phone and show it to him anyway.

He deleted all those pictures before the trip. There’s no point in keeping them now.

Jinyoung reaches out to brush away the fringe from his eyes when his fingers stop mid-air. He should stop this. Stop thinking about him or have anything to do with him, just like how they both agreed they should.

Jinyoung pulls his hand back, turning away from him and getting out of bed.

He pads to the kitchen and starts making coffee. He waits for it to heat up, all the while just staring at the direction of the living room where the pull-out is and where Jaebum is still fast asleep.

While he’s halfway through his cup, Mark enters. He’s on breakfast duty this morning and starts taking out eggs from the pantry.

“Need any help with that?” Jinyoung asks with a slight jest in his tone. The last time Mark made breakfast for them, he ended up burning everything that they all just decided to fuck it and eat somewhere else.

“I’ll have you know I perfected my pancakes last summer.”

Jinyoung chuckles in reply.

Mark lets him help him though. Jinyoung cracks the eggs and whisks them along with the rest of the ingredients. They work quietly side by side, occasionally talking about their families and how they’ll be seeing them next week.

“Hey,” Mark starts, pulling out jam and syrup from the fridge. “Are you and Jaebum okay?”

Jinyoung stops pouring batter over the pan.

“You guys have been acting weird since that night we ate at Bam’s.” Mark continues.

Jinyoung gives him a smile. “We’re fine.”

Mark doesn’t press that any further to which Jinyoung is thankful for.

They’re joined by the rest an hour later. Even Jaebum gets up from the couch and walks in groggily. His hair is sticking out from each end and Jinyoung wants to fix it for him.

Maybe Mark is right. He and Jaebum have been acting strange. They used to be seen together. The rest of their friends always find them sitting side by side. But now, everything is just different that even someone blind would notice that.

Mark’s pancakes are perfect this time and everyone compliments him on it. Youngjae teases him how this is the only thing he’s perfected and Mark hits him with his spatula at that comment. Jackson comes to his defense, leading the whole table to agree on a breakfast showdown between Mark and Youngjae tomorrow to which the both of them readily accept. Meanwhile, Bambam and Yugyeom start betting on who’s going to win or lose.

“Has anyone seen the syrup?” Jaebum asks around the table. Jinyoung hands it over to him. Jaebum looks surprised for a moment at the gesture. They really have been acting strange. They agreed to be friends. It has always been like that from the start. He should at least keep it that way.

Jinyoung despite the ache in his chest, gives him a small smile.

To his utter relief, Jaebum smiles back.

 

* * *

 

He bumps into Jaebum as he gets to class and the first thing that Jinyoung does is stammer out a “Hi.”

It’s kind of awkward, really, to see a guy you just slept with last week and then leave right after. Jinyoung hasn’t contacted him since for fear of not knowing what to say. And that’s exactly what’s happening now because Jinyoung is at a loss for words now that he’s facing him.

In all honesty, Jaebum was a good fuck. A very generous fuck even. He’s been with guys before. It wasn’t his first time. But Jinyoung thinks Jaebum can’t compare to the rest. All of them were assholes once they were done with their release. But Jaebum made sure he came first.

Jinyoung hasn’t had sex like that and Jaebum made sure that quick call was worth it.

The air wasn’t even awkward at all. Jinyoung just had to knock on his door, show up, and Jaebum was doing the rest. It wasn’t at all quick. Jinyoung truly enjoyed Jaebum that night.

But seeing him here out in the open after that little rendezvous is different and Jinyoung hopes Jaebum doesn’t see right through him even if he has seen him naked.

“Are we going to be like this then?” Jaebum asks. Jinyoung watches as Jaebum’s lips quirk into a smile and just like that, the awkwardness disappears. Jinyoung laughs. He should’ve known better than to act this way around him.

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes. “I didn’t really get to say a proper goodbye last time.” He hadn’t. Jaebum just mentioned that Youngjae was coming back in a few minutes and Jinyoung knew that was his cue to leave. He didn’t mind. He didn’t really want to explain things to Youngjae and have Jackson and Bambam find out.

“And,” Jinyoung continues. “We never really got to… You know, talk about it.”

To his surprise, Jaebum just shakes his head and smiles.

“Hey, if you were worried about this going to be serious, it’s not.” Jaebum says. “I’m your friend first.”

“Oh, so we’re friends now?” Jinyoung finds himself smirking at that.

Jaebum welcomes his remark. “I’d like to be.”

Jinyoung really thinks Jaebum is something else. The guy is nice. He’s also cute and Jinyoung likes it when he talks about random things like art and cats. He’s also hot in that quiet brooding way. Jinyoung especially loves his lips and how he knows exactly just what to do with them.

“Fine.” Jinyoung shrugs and then chuckles as Jaebum’s face lights up.

“Alright, cool.” Jaebum grins. He then checks his watch. “I have to get to class. See you around, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung heads back to the dorm once his own class ends. There’s nothing left to do for tonight except catch up on the dramas he’s missed. On the way back, he sees Jackson heading out with a guy in tow. He introduced him as Mark and said that they were going to check out some baseball game happening in the field. Jinyoung declines their offer for him to join them, already looking forward to his bed.

Once he’s done showering and has his laptop set up, Jinyoung slips under the sheets. But before he can press play, his phone rings.

Jinyoung sees Jaebum’s name flash on his screen and he answers.

“Hey, what’s up?” Jinyoung greets.

“Does it go both ways?”

Jinyoung takes a few seconds to understand what he just asked and then another five seconds to let that register in his head.

“Yes.” Jinyoung answers easily.

“Is tonight okay then? Can I come over?” Jaebum asks. “Although Youngjae isn’t here.”

Jinyoung reaches to close his laptop.

“What’s your room number again?” Is all he asks before he’s grabbing his jacket and heading out the door.

 

* * *

 

Bambam dives in first and Jackson and Yugyeom follow. They have the lake all to themselves so they make as much noise as they can, yelling and laughing and splashing each other in the face.

On dry land, Mark, Youngjae and Jaebum are playing some card game. Youngjae has won two games already and Mark and Jaebum are not giving up until one of them wins over him.

Jinyoung is taking pictures. He snaps one of Yugyeom lifting Bambam on his shoulders as they tackle Jackson. He takes photos of Youngjae with his head tipped back in laughter on his third win. Jinyoung smiles at the sight of misery on Mark and Jaebum’s faces at having to lose again while Jackson’s loud hyena laugh serves as their background music.

He loves his friends. Jinyoung may have been really serious about college for four years but he thinks he wouldn’t have survived through it all without them. They’ve become his family too. On holidays, when some of them can’t go home, they spend it together. Some of their families also know them by now, having spent enough spring breaks in each others houses. They’re all inseparable and Jinyoung is glad Jackson brought all of them together.

This is the last they’ll see of each other though. After this trip, Jackson is flying back to Hong Kong. Mark and Bambam are going back to their respective countries. They’ve all applied for jobs and they’ve already been accepted. Yugyeom is going to chill out for a few months while Youngjae said he was going to spend some time with his new niece.

Jinyoung doesn’t know what Jaebum is going to do. He never asked. But he overheard him talking to Jackson that he was going to the city to try out a few gigs and earn money.

The water looks inviting now. Jinyoung stows away the camera and strips off his shirt. Yugyeom whistles from afar as he sees him and starts yelling his name to join them.

He turns to toss his shirt when he catches Jaebum looking at him. This makes Jinyoung feel overly conscious even if Jaebum has already seen most of him.

He ignores him though and runs toward the lake, giving off a big splash and laughing as most of the water hits Yugyeom.

 

* * *

 

“What are you talking about? This one looks better.”

Jinyoung chuckles as Yugyeom shows them a video of him freestyling. He’s the recent addition to the group. He and Jinyoung met through one of his performance classes and has been hanging out with them ever since.

They’re in Jaebum’s room killing time. They’re all crammed in Jaebum’s bed because Youngjae doesn’t like it when they mess up his. The rest of them have classes but they all planned to meet later to check out the new dimsum place that opened near the university.

“I don’t know… I liked the first one.” Jaebum cocks his head to the side, watching the video on Yugyeom’s phone. He’s running a hand up and down Jinyoung’s back where he massaged him earlier. Jinyoung can still feel the aftermath of him kneading his back with his weight on top of him.

They’ve been hanging out frequently now. It’s a mix of different things. There’s studying together, eating lunch on the same spot or going out with the rest of the group. Jinyoung also helps him compose new songs during break time and Jaebum helps him read his lines. Jinyoung has finally heard him sing and he believes Jaebum is going to make it big one day.

There’s also the sex in between that no one else knows except for just the two of them.

“Really?” Yugyeom asks. “But this one’s more…”

“I like both of them.” Jinyoung points out. “You can send in both for your project.”

Yugyeom seems to like that answer better for he nods, keeping both videos.

Jinyoung checks the time. “It’s almost 6. We better hurry up. Mark hates it when we’re late.”

He and Yugyeom get off the bed but Jaebum doesn’t make a move to do so.

“You’re not coming?” Yugyeom asks.

“I have a thing later. I couldn’t say no.” Jaebum answers. Yugyeom shrugs as he puts on his shoes.

Jinyoung knows what he means. The offer he gave Jinyoung a year ago didn’t mean he offered it exclusively to him. Sometimes Jaebum gets calls and he makes sure to follow through it.

Jinyoung had asked him why he did this. No judgement. He was just curious. Jaebum just simply replied that he didn’t think much of it. Besides, none of it was personal and every night didn’t turn into something serious the next day.

A knock on the door sounds just when they’re about to leave. A girl is standing there when they open the door. Jinyoung has seen her in Jackson’s college. She’s cute. She and Jaebum look cute.

He’s not sure why there was a pang in his chest when he and Yugyeom left his room.

Sometimes, Jinyoung forgets he and Jaebum are nothing more than being each other’s booty call.

 

* * *

 

They swam the entire afternoon and Jinyoung knows he’s got a little sunburn on his back. It stings. But it’s nothing serious. Nothing a little aloe vera gel can fix.

It’s late when they head back and they all take turns in the bathroom. Jinyoung showers first this time, unable to wait for his turn. He feels sticky from the water and the sunblock and the sweat. Bambam had brought sodas too which Jinyoung spilled accidentally down his front while he opened it.

When he emerges, he treats the sunburn he has, squeezing out the gel he brought and applying it on his back. He shudders, the gel cool on his skin. He’s glad he remembered to bring one.

Jaebum enters the living room just as he starts.

“Hey, we’re eating out tonight.” Jaebum says and then frowns. “Are you okay?”

Jinyoung nods. “Yeah. Just a small sunburn. I’m fine.”

Jaebum motions for the gel as he approaches him. “Let me.”

Jinyoung didn’t want him to. Just the thought of Jaebum touching him makes his stomach all tied up in knots. But he remembers he shouldn’t be acting strange around him and declining such an offer where if it was any of their friends other than Jaebum, he wouldn’t be making about it.

Jinyoung hands him the tube and Jaebum rounds the pull-out to sit behind him. Jinyoung isn’t ready when he applies the gel unto his skin for he jerks from his touch and hisses from the cold.

“Sorry.” Jaebum slowly spreads the gel. “Better.”

Jinyoung nods. “Yeah.”

Jinyoung’s not sure if it’s the gel or Jaebum’s touch but he does feel the sting from the sunburn subside. It has to be the gel. Because he’s not that delusional to believe that Jaebum has magic healing abilities.

And yet, it’s not just his sunburn that feels a bit better. It’s everything else too. The knots in his stomach. The air he’s holding in his lungs. Jaebum’s touch feels like magic because for a moment, Jinyoung doesn’t feel like he’s wound tight when he’s around him.

Sure he still wants to turn and throw himself at him. Jinyoung wants Jaebum to hold him and kiss him and laugh in his ear just like old times. But it’s a bit better now.

Maybe… Maybe they’re finally getting that closure they need.

Jaebum’s hands leave his back and he hands the gel to him.

“Thanks.” Jinyoung says over his shoulder. Jaebum just pats him lightly on his hip in reply before leaving.

They head to dinner afterwards. There’s a local seafood place just one bus stop away. It must be popular since the place is almost packed.

The food is delicious. Jinyoung hasn’t had so much good seafood in so long. So do the rest of them. Their buckets are filled with deshelled clams and shrimps. Yugyeom keeps whining how he’s so full but everytime another order comes in, he’s the first one to dig in.

The restaurant also has a live band playing while they eat. Jackson couldn’t help himself and went up the stage, jamming to a few songs. Bambam joined in followed by Yugyeom who led everyone to dance. Youngjae pulled Jaebum to the dance floor while Mark and Jinyoung just recorded videos and snapped photos of them, laughing as their friends enjoy the night.

They all end up dancing though. Because Jackson wouldn’t let them sit out on this. The restaurant turns even more alive with the rest of the crowd joining in. Jinyoung finds himself moving to the beat, nodding his head and swaying his hips. This isn’t like the ones at clubs or college parties he’s been to. This feels more carefree.

Jinyoung catches Jaebum’s eye among the crowd. Jaebum smiles at him and Jinyoung does so too. He can’t help it. Jaebum’s smile is infectious. That’s what caught his attention the first time they met. He’d like to believe for a moment that things worked out between them. That right now, they’re together. That they’re still comfortable winding their arms around each other and smiling like that.

Bambam shimmies up to him, causing Jaebum to laugh. This has Jinyoung finally look away, finding the image so beautiful that it hurts. Because they’re not together. They never will be.

He was kidding himself when he thought they’d finally get that closure.

He slips out of the crowd and heads outside the restaurant for some air. He can’t breathe and he hates it. Jaebum makes him feel things and he hates that he’s so weak for him. He really thought he could do this, be friends with him and act like everything is fine.

And the worst part is that he has to. He has to act like he’s fine. Even when he feels like he’s drowning.

Because he promised they’d be friends.

Music escapes the restaurant as the doors open. Jinyoung turns to find Jackson waving at him as he jogs up to him.

“You should’ve seen Mark surf the crowd.” Jackson laughs. “He loved it.”

Jinyoung grins. He does regret missing that out. He’ll check the videos later because he’s sure one of them caught that on cam.

“You okay?” Jackson asks him, throwing an arm around his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung pinches him lightly on his side. “Why does everyone keep on asking me that?”

“Because you’re not.” Jackson points out.

Jinyoung fights back the urge to cringe at the truth. “Yes, I am.”

Jackson gives him a look.

“No, Jinyoung. You’re not. Something’s bothering you and don’t try to convince me otherwise. I’m not called your best friend for nothing.”

Jinyoung is amused by this but doesn’t deny it. He can’t lie to Jackson anyway.

“Are you having fun though?” Jackson asks.

This Jinyoung finds easier to answer.

“Absolutely. It’s with you guys. I always have fun.”

“Okay,” Jackson pauses. “Are you and Jaebum okay?”

Are they?

Jinyoung laughs. “Yeah.”

He immediately regrets it though. Lying to Jackson in his face just made things worse.

“Look,” Jackson starts. “I know you and Jaebum have a thing going on. Or used to. I mean, we all knew that. We just didn’t say anything. It wasn’t our place to say anything.”

Jinyoung sucks in his breath at that. He had a hunch the rest of their friends knew about them. For the first two years, they tried to keep everything a secret. They tiptoed around their friends whenever they found themselves calling each other up. But the last two years, Jinyoung thinks they eased up a little. Jinyoung wouldn’t mind if the rest of them caught him in Jaebum’s dorm room all the time.

“We don’t know what’s going on exactly. Jaebum won’t tell us anything. And I know you won’t either. That’s okay.” Jackson squeezes his hand. “But could you two at least work it out? Jaebum looks absolutely hooked up about something and so do you.”

Jinyoung searches Jackson’s face for anything to tell him what he meant by that. Why did Jackson say Jaebum was hooked up about something? Between the two of them, Jinyoung thinks he’s the one that’s obvious at showing how he feels even when he tries so hard to keep his feelings at bay. Jaebum seems fine.

Nevertheless, Jinyoung nods.

“Do you love him?” Jackson asks. There’s a lump slowly forming in Jinyoung’s throat, unable to admit nor deny that at all.

“You know what, you don’t have to answer that.” Jackson says.

Jinyoung doesn’t. But he thinks Jackson knows the answer to that anyway.

They both head back to pay the bill. Afterwards, instead of riding the bus home, they all walk. Yugyeom and Bambam are belting out a song that played earlier while Mark and Jaebum lead the way. Jinyoung is sandwiched between Youngjae and Jackson at the back.

They find a playground by accident and they all gather around the slides and the swings. Jinyoung and Mark have made themselves comfortable on top of the bars, swinging their legs and staring up the night sky.

“I love you guys.” Youngjae breathes from where he’s lying down on one of the slides.

Jackson looks at all of them. “When Youngjae gets all sappy, why isn’t he called out?”

They all laugh.

“We definitely have to come back here.” Yugyeom stares dreamily into nothing. ”When we can. It doesn’t matter how long it takes.”

“That is if Mark, Bambam and Jackson won’t forget about us when they leave.” Youngjae teases.

“Are you kidding? I’ll never forget this.” Jackson smiles. “I’ll never forget all of you.”

Mark coughs. “Sappy.

Everyone laughs at that.

Jinyoung looks at all of them. These are his friends. This is his family.

He’s glad he has them in his life.

 

* * *

 

“Do you have any condoms?”

Jinyoung looks up from his notes to find Jaebum looking at him with a frantic gaze in his eyes. He’s a little breathless and Jinyoung guesses he rushed all the way here at the library where he’s studying.

“I have this thing in fifteen minutes and the next convenience store is like a block away.”

“Yeah, sure.” Jinyoung sifts through his bag for one. He finds it and hands the packet to him. Jaebum’s face lights up at that.

“Thanks.” He breathes before dashing out of there again.

Jinyoung goes back to his notes but after a while, he finds he can no longer concentrate on things. His lines don’t stick to him like it did earlier.

He shouldn’t have these thoughts of Jaebum heading off somewhere doing the things they do when they’re together. But it consumes him little by little. He thinks of whoever it is lying underneath him, on top of him, moaning out his name and leaving kisses down his chest. He thinks of Jaebum’s hands on someone else’s skin. He thinks of him laughing. And that’s the one thing Jinyoung wants the most all to himself.

Jinyoung sighs, closing his notes. He’s not going to get any studying done. He’s about to stand up and leave when Jaebum suddenly comes back. Jinyoung looks at him in surprise as he gives him a small tired smile.

“That was fast.” Jinyoung says to him. Jaebum plops himself down on the seat across from him making Jinyoung sit back down too, his notes spilling on the table.

“Oh, something came up. He had a class meeting or something. Whatever it was.” Jaebum shrugs like it’s no big deal. Jinyoung breathes a little easier at that.

“Here’s your condom back.” Jaebum slides the packet of condom across the table.

Jinyoung takes it. He looks at it, twirling the thing in his hands.

“Want to use it?” He casually asks.

Jaebum looks at him for a moment, probably weighing his answer to see if he’s joking or not. When Jinyoung makes it clear he’s not, Jaebum laughs. “Yeah, sure.”

Jinyoung smiles, gathers his notes and leaves with him.

 

* * *

 

It’s their last day and they’re all up early for that fishing trip Youngjae scheduled. Youngjae has spoke of this place way too many times over the course of their friendship that the rest of them didn’t want to pass off the chance to miss any of his vacation experiences.

It was Mark who woke them all up. They’re going to skip out the breakfast showdown in favor of getting ready. Jinyoung, not really a morning person, trudges to the bathroom grumpily to get dressed.

He’s halfway through brushing his teeth when the door opens and Jaebum comes in.

Jaebum stops in his tracks. “Sorry. I didn’t know anyone was in here.”

He turns around to leave when Jinyoung stops him.

“No, no. It’s fine.” Jinyoung makes room for him so he can use the sink.

They brush their teeth together, Jinyoung making sure he focuses on his reflection in the mirror in front of him rather than Jaebum. They’ve spent way too many times brushing their teeth together that this shouldn’t be so difficult to do.

Jaebum suddenly chuckles.

“What?” Jinyoung asks.

Jaebum rinses his mouth before replying.

“Remember that time I was brushing my teeth in your room and I accidentally used Jackson’s?”

Jinyoung remembers that very clearly. He rinses his own mouth before replying. “That was disgusting.”

Jaebum continues to laugh. “And we kept it a secret until we found out that Jackson had been using it to-”

“Clean the sides of his shoes.” Jinyoung finishes his sentence for him. “Even more disgusting.”

They both laugh, finding the memory still fresh and hilarious after all this time.

It wasn’t just sex. Sometimes they go out for a run together. Sometimes they visit coffee shops and stare out the window just talking about anything. There’s the clichéd walks in the park or stargazing in the dorm’s rooftop. Watching musicals. Visiting museums. Farting. Singing offkey. Sometimes it’s tripping over something and one would burst out laughing. Sometimes it’s the quiet. Sometimes it’s just brushing their teeth side by side like this.

It was never just the sex.

The bathroom door opens again and Bambam enters sleepily.

“Morning.” He mumbles, carrying in a glass of water and his toothbrush. “Yugyeom said we’re leaving in fifteen minutes.”

“Better wake up then.” Jaebum teases, shaking his still wet hand at Bambam who jerks away from from the small splashes of water.

In the process, Bambam collides with Jinyoung who spills the water in his glass and the whole thing sloshes down Jinyoung’s front. It’s a good thing he’s still in his sleep clothes. The bathroom has turned quiet though as Jaebum and Bambam look at him worriedly.

“I’m so sorry,” Jaebum says slowly when Jinyoung only turns the faucet on and starts splashing everyone with water.

The bathroom is filled with yells. Jinyoung laughs as Bambam starts running out of there but Jaebum follows behind him, his hands cupped and filled with water. Mark chose to pass by at that moment and Jaebum throws the water at him instead causing Bambam to howl with laughter.

A water fight ensues. They take the fight outside where Youngjae retaliates with a water hose. Yugyeom has grabbed pots to fill water with and dump them on anyone who runs towards him. Jackson has managed to join Youngjae’s side and it’s two against all of them.

They’re all drenched but no one seems to be complaining.

Eventually, they all start getting ready for the fishing trip. They’re obviously late now since they have to clean up the mess and mop up the ground floor of the house.

In the end, only Yugyeom and Mark manage to catch something. It’s enough for their lunch so they head on back, have the lady who watches the fishing grounds clean their fish for them before they all go home and have Bambam cook it all up for them.

The afternoon is spent swimming by the lake again. Everyone thought of putting enough sunblock this time. They play games as usual. Because a day never goes by without them playing some silly game they always find funny.

Their last dinner is the same as the first one. Jinyoung and Mark went to the market after swimming to buy the necessary ingredients for their barbecue night along with a few beers. When they get home, the grill is ready and it only takes a few minutes for them to set the rest up.

They all end up talking about the next time they meet. Jackson wants them all to visit him in Hong Kong next. They all make plans. They raise their beers to it. The only one who doesn’t drink is Jaebum since he doesn’t want to get a hangover when he drives them home tomorrow morning.

Bambam ends up tearing at one point at the thought that they won’t know when they’ll see each other again. They tease him. But Jinyoung thinks there’s something in his own eyes too and that Mark’s eyes are a little watery as well. Jackson is smothering Bambam with hugs while Youngjae tries to lighten the atmosphere up but end up being sappy. Yugyeom joins in all the sappiness too. They’re a laughing and crying mess and Jinyoung would mark this day down as one of the saddest and happiest days of his life.

His eyes sweep all of them and he stops at Jaebum just sitting there looking at Bambam like he can’t believe this is happening too. Jinyoung’s heart aches once more to see him just as sad as the rest to have to say goodbye to all of them.

Eventhough they’re all dead tired, Jinyoung ends up staring blankly at the wall in front of him that night. He lies with his back to Jaebum once more, unable to fall asleep. He’s hypersensitive of everything around them. The sound of the trees outside swaying in the wind. The ticking of the clock in the kitchen. Jaebum’s breathing.

It’s their last night together. Everything keeps rushing back to him. From the first time they met till that night outside Bambam’s place. It wasn’t goodbye then. There was this trip. They were still going to spend a few more days with each other albeit under such conditions. But now it’s over. There isn’t any more trips to look forward to. There’s tomorrow. There’s the car ride home. And then there’s nothing.

Something unpleasant keeps eating up at him to say something. This is Jaebum. Whatever he has to say, Jinyoung can trust him. This is his last chance to tell him how he feels. Not tomorrow. Today.

Jinyoung is about to say something when Jaebum suddenly clears his throat.

“This is probably not the best time to tell you,” Jaebum starts. “But third year. I kind of had a thing for you that started in third year.”

Jinyoung finds himself unable to breathe at this small confession. He didn’t know that.

Jaebum laughs softly. “Funny, isn’t it?”

Funny? Jinyoung swallows hard. “No. It isn’t.”

“Yeah, well,” Jaebum sighs. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. But I don’t know. I just wanted you to know that.”

Jinyoung wants to turn around then. He wants to tell him everything. That it wasn’t third year for him. It was the summer of second year. When they didn’t go home to their parents and it was only the two of them left. When they went on a small summer road trip of their own. When they did nothing but cook each other breakfast and share books and take photos of each other in the car. When they didn’t have sex until the last day because the rest of the days were spent enjoying each other’s company outdoors.

When Jaebum smiled at him one morning and told him he looked great in his shirt.

Jinyoung has held on to that for years. He wants him to know. It’s not just several one night deals anymore. He wants to tell him how he feels. That night at Bambam’s was a mistake. When Jaebum pulled him aside and told him they should talk about them, about us, Jinyoung should’ve said the truth. But what he told him was a lie.

“We should just end this now, huh?” Jinyoung had laughed then, a sad forced laugh. Because they always talked about getting their shit straightened out once they graduated. And they both knew what they had was never serious.

And when Jaebum told him it would be better if they did end it now, Jinyoung knew his heart broke. Because for Jaebum to say it like that, to say it so quickly, just meant that Jinyoung was right. This was never going to turn into something serious.

Jaebum just didn’t love him enough like he did.

And he’s scared all over again to tell him how he really feels. Because he’d rather still be his friend after everything that has happened.

Nevertheless, he turns around slowly to look at him with his heart in his throat. But Jaebum has already turned his back to him.

That night, Jinyoung watches the rise and fall of his shoulders and listens to his breathing until he too falls asleep.

 

 

  
Jinyoung feels like he’s downed more beers than he’s ever had in his life when he knows he only had two bottles of it the night before. He has a massive ache in his chest that has nothing to do with alcohol. But his head and his heart feels so heavy as they all pack their bags and pile up in Jaebum’s car.

Unlike the trip coming over, they’re all quiet now that they’re about to head back. Yugyeom is asleep, head resting next to Youngjae’s. They’re going to drop Jackson, Mark and Bambam first at Bambam’s place where they’re going to take the subway to the airport tonight. Yugyeom and Youngjae is to be dropped off at a bus station right near to it while Jinyoung goes last. He’s going to stay at the dorm to pack the rest of his stuff up and leave when he’s done.

There aren’t any more tears when Mark, Jackson and Bambam get off. There may be sniffles. But no tears. Mark, a man of little words, only has to hug each of them. Bambam does the same thing too. There’s a few chuckles though from Jackson who won’t stop reminding them that this isn’t the last time they’ll see each other. He hugs Jinyoung the longest, making him promise to come visit when he can.

“Don’t be a stranger.” Jackson says to him. “Call me sometime.”

Jinyoung promises to do so. Otherwise, Jackson will and he knows he’ll call him non-stop.

Jaebum and Jinyoung stay for awhile at the station with Youngjae and Yugyeom while waiting for their bus. Jinyoung thinks Yugyeom might have noticed things have been different between him and Jaebum for he hugs him tight the minute he and Youngjae are about to leave. After Youngjae gives him his own hug, Yugyeom whispered in his ear how they’ll get through this. Jinyoung didn’t have the chance to ask him what he meant but then again, he thinks he knows what he means anyway.

The ride back to the dorm is quiet. Jaebum had turned the radio on and there’s this new song playing. Jinyoung doesn’t know the lyrics to it. But Jaebum does. He listens to him sing it under his breath.

When they finally arrive at the dorm, Jinyoung doesn’t know if he should get out or say something. Does he hug him like everyone else did? Does he tell him he promises to see him again?

In the end “Thanks for the ride.” is all Jinyoung can say. Jaebum just nods at him and Jinyoung, unable to look at him without wanting to cling to him, heads out of there fast with his bag clutched tightly in his hand.

The moment the door to his room closes and he’s left all alone, Jinyoung breathes.

But it’s no use. Breathing does nothing for he still feels like he’s drowning.

 

 

He has no idea why he has so much shit.

Four years in a dorm and Jinyoung swears he only remembers having clothes. But as he packs everything in boxes, Jinyoung has found dozens of books, costumes, art props and several more shit that Jinyoung can’t remember keeping. He only hopes that the small moving van he rented would be able to fit all these.

He sighs, transferring his boxes to the floor as he strips the bed sheets off his mattress. He’s not staying another night here. It’s too quiet without Jackson and it’s lonely. He needs to go home and be with people who can keep his mind off things. He needs to think about what to do now that he’s graduated and has a lot of free time.

Jinyoung finishes packing his things and looks around his and Jackson’s room. He’ll miss this place.

A loud knock sounds on his door has Jinyoung goes over to answer the movers he called up earlier, careful not to step on the mess of boxes on the floor.

“Coming,” Jinyoung calls out when there’s another round of knocks. He opens the door and his heart stops beating in his chest when he finds Jaebum standing there instead

Jinyoung opens his mouth and then closes it, not really knowing what to say. Did Jaebum leave something in his room?

“What are you doing here?” Jinyoung manages to ask.

Jaebum is a little breathless. He’s also pale, like something just scared him out of his wits. He rushed over here, that much is obvious.

“I lied.” He says.

Jinyoung only looks at him in confusion.

“I lied.” Jaebum continues. “That night at Bambam’s. I didn’t mean any of that.”

Jinyoung’s heart that had stopped in his chest earlier starts beating now. A loud frantic beating that has Jinyoung gripping tighter at the door knob for some semblance of reality that this is happening.

“I didn’t want it to end.” Jaebum continues. “We weren’t just good until we graduated. I didn’t know what I was saying. I don’t even know why I waited until now. I was an idiot. I was- _God, Jinyoung,_ ” Jaebum runs a hand over his face. “I am an idiot.”

Jinyoung can’t believe he’s hearing this.

“Is this… Is this about the…?” Jinyoung can’t bring himself to say it. He can't look at him either. But he knows that Jaebum understands for he frowns. He even looks angry.

“No. It’s not about the sex.” Jaebum says it for him. “It’s about us.”

Jinyoung is trembling as he stands there. Us.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum calling his name has him look at him in the eyes. There’s this kind of intensity in them that Jinyoung believes for a moment that things are going to be okay. That it’s high time he should really trust Jaebum on this.

“Jinyoung, I love you.” He breathes. Those words seem to fill Jinyoung with so much warmth. It’s nothing like the touches he gives. It’s something different. Something more.

“I don’t know how much clearer I can get but I want us to give things a try.” Jaebum pleads. “Please give _us_ a try.”

Jinyoung was scared. He was so scared of things. But Jaebum is right in front of him now and courage seeps through his bones to know that Jaebum isn’t going to leave.

“I lied too.” Jinyoung confesses and it feels like a weight was lifted off of him. Those words seem to put a little color to Jaebum’s cheeks too.

“I didn’t want it to end.”

Jaebum gives a small choked laugh and it sounds like he’s relieved.

“And it wasn’t just about the sex either. I-,” Jinyoung has to gather himself. His heart is beating so fast. “I love you too.”

Jaebum pulls him into his arms and Jinyoung doesn’t hold himself back any longer. The times he wanted to cling to him. The times he wanted to bury his face in his shoulder and just stay there for Jaebum to hold all of him. He takes it. He takes this chance because it’s okay now.

Everything’s going to be okay.

“I thought you already left.” Jaebum breathes. “I rushed over here as fast as I could. I was scared you left and I never got to say any of this.”

Jinyoung holds him tighter. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything either. I was scared.”

Jaebum pulls back just to cup his face in his hands. “Don’t.” He shakes his head. “We can do this.”

Even though he trusts Jaebum, Jinyoung still finds himself speaking out his fears.

“What if it doesn’t work?”

Jaebum strokes his cheek with his thumb.

“I can’t answer that. I don’t know the answer to that.” He replies. “But how will we know if we won’t give us a try?”

Jinyoung finds that he likes this answer very much.

He’s the one leaning in to finally kiss him because he missed him so much. Jaebum welcomes him, as he tips his head to the side and captures his lips. Kissing Jaebum is like breathing now and Jinyoung gives himself over to him. He’s like a raft floating at sea, the current already calm. He feels safe.

Jinyoung can’t help but pull him inside his room and close the door by backing Jaebum to it. Their kisses turn frantic, the sounds of their breathing all heavy. Jaebum gives a soft moan as Jinyoung kisses him down his jawline and busies himself on his neck.

Jaebum slips his hand underneath his shirt, fingers trailing his rib cage. Jinyoung’s legs shake at that and Jaebum take this chance to back him into the mattress. They both fall, Jaebum on top of him now, taking his shirt off. Jinyoung lets him and then reaches out to strip him off of his too.

They’re used to this. They’re used to stripping each other with such ease. They’re used to the foreplay and this kind of dance. But oddly enough, it feels like Jinyoung’s first time. Not the first time they slept with each other. This feels like this is truly their first time together.

Jaebum wedges a knee between his legs and Jinyoung spreads them eagerly. raises his hips and grinds his crotch against the pressure.

“I thought it wasn’t about the sex.” Jinyoung teases.

Jaebum suddenly slows down.

“If you want to stop, we can stop.”

Jinyoung grabs him by his forearm before Jaebum can even think of leaving.

“No.” Jinyoung reaches to kiss him again. “Never. Let’s not stop.”

Jaebum smiles against his lips as he continues where he left off.

It’s a good thing Jinyoung hasn’t packed the lube and box of condoms underneath all his stuff. The minute he rolls the condom down on Jaebum’s dick and he’s fully stretched, they go at it. They fuck slow and hard at the same time that Jinyoung is making so much noise. He’s glad the dorms are empty by now and he’s the only one on his floor. He also doesn’t care if people above him or below him can hear him calling out Jaebum’s name.

He comes first, untouched. Because only Jaebum has a way of always getting him off like that. His orgasm has his bones rattling and his nerves on fire. Jaebum comes shortly after, cock pulsing inside him and Jinyoung keeps him nestled there as they come down from their high.

“I forgot to tell you the movers are downstairs,” Jaebum groans in his ear. Jinyoung chuckles.

“Let them wait.” He replies. Let the world wait even for just a few minutes.

“Or,” Jaebum links their fingers together. Jaebum’s hands are so small that Jinyoung can engulf it in his.

“Or?” Jinyoung prods.

“You send the stuff out to your parents first. We follow up in my van after a week.”

“And where am I staying?” Jinyoung laughs at the idea of this.

“I was thinking you come with me… To meet my parents…” Jaebum trails off and then looks at him. “If that’s okay with you.”

Jinyoung holds his gaze. They really are going to try this out. They’re really going to make this work.

“Perfectly okay.” Jinyoung smiles. Jaebum beams at that and his happiness seems to radiate off of him for they’re laughing, their arms snug around them as if they were meant to fit in each other’s hold all along.

He’s not afraid anymore. Jinyoung thinks today is going to be okay.

He smiles knowing that tomorrow is even going to be better.

 


End file.
